Monday, January 30, 2006

Marriage, Family, Nucleus.. out for the Count

The Final Judgement Entry concerning our divorce is OFFICIAL as of Wednesday, January 25, 2006.

The road to this announcement has been over 3 years in coming. Puddles became, potholes became sinkholes became nonnegotiable, empty, deep, black craters.
Now it is on to the next stage of the relationship.
So I pray for all of you that are married, that God grant you the Spirit of Love, grant you grace mercy and wisdom in keeping your marriages, loving, healthy, primary and together. I pray for those of you unequally yoked.
I hope you all SHOW love, deference, cherish your bonds, respect each other and honor the vows you made before God. I hope you talk and endeavor to think kindly of your mates to others, speak life and not death (the power of life and death is in the tongue, nameen?), give, forgive, love, compromise and take ownership of your own issues.

Sometimes you need to choose between being right and death dealing or being happy and life-giving. They aren't the same thing. There is usually more than one way to do something. Allow each other to be wrong, make mistakes and help them get back up and learn from the experience. You’ve heard it before but “of course he or she doesn’t do it your way. If you two are the same then one of you isn’t necessary.”
Divorce should be a last, last, last resort. God hates divorce and divorces tear nuclear AND extended families apart. They also can and do spill over into the community with folks talking sides, though the bible says, "don't take on another's offense." I am a witness. Please don’t do that.
Whether husbands and wives have God in their lives or not divorce damages each. I pray that God replaces the years that the locust have taken.
There are no winners except lawyers, the grass is not necessarily greener on the other side and if you have young kids especially, you will have the same issues you had during marriage (control, disrespect, anger issues, irresponsibility issues, critical spirit, parenting issues or whatever) and are still in relationship.
Autumn seems to be doing well but it hurts her to the bone and the effects of this may not been seen for years. By the grace of God she is strong, introspective and God-minded and is loved by both parents.
Many of you know the dynamics of this relationship were somewhat extraordinary and (hopefully) not common place, though many of the symptoms are commonplace.
I wish I had had the wherewithal to have the pastor that married us and my present pastor and certain family in court to mourn with us. We got married with many witnesses but no one was there to witness the death of our marriage. I am so relieved to be out of the relationship. Most likely Donna too. I am just as sad as I am relieved if not more. Death is death, is death, is death. This is death with no bodies to bury and for some, closure, I think, may be a long time coming.
Having said that know that I have peace as I recover. God has taken this opportunity to work with me and reveal my true decrepit self in comparison to a perfect loving God. He has held me up, led me and guided me as much as I would allow through grace, mercy, prayer and obedience. I don’t know that he hasn’t worked with Donna, I just choose to speak for myself. God is soooo good! :-) He is not willing that anyone be lost but that all come to a saving knowledge of a risen Savior who is well able to save us from ourselves.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I got this in an email I think. I read it again a few minutes ago and I feel better. There is nothing particulary wrong but I felt like reading it and now I feel better.