What are some Youth Empowerment Skills for Healthy Growth

What are some youth empowerment skills for Healthy Growth?

Cavana Faithwalker, Empowerment Strategist

Youth is a pretty fluid term.  The U.N. definition for youth is 15-24 years of age.

Let's start with Communication skills (More broadly though this is a part Interpersonal skills)- This involves a circuit or communication loop. It includes but is not limited to; vocabulary  that helps express emotion; I feel angry, scared, frustrated, etc. I use these examples because empowerment starts on the inside 100% of the time.)  When I first got involved in NVC-NonViolent Communication I was surprised at how incapable I was of expressing my emotions, the vocabulary was not there. For years I had thought I was very in touch with myself.  It turned out not so much.

The other part of a Communication loop is composed of listening and managing expectations. Ideally one’s primary goal in speaking is to be understood, not to persuade.  In most cases it is not imperative that we agree with each other.  Respecting the validity of someone else's opposing view may take some practice in today's American culture.  

One’s goal in listening is to understand, not to form an argument.  Express/listen/clarify to understand if need be.  Eg., Clarify hearing; “What I heard you say___________.”  Clarify expression often does not include repeating the same thing but rephrasing.  

No, Nein, Ei, Non, Nao, Yeah right
Out of all the slices of an empowerment pie, one particularly fruitful slice is saying “no." For many of us it is an empowerment skill we must practice. 
Part of communication has to do with responsibility and managing expectations but often overlooked intra-personal communication, or communicating with one's self can be the most important.  Often we offer up a disingenuous, "yes," when, "no" is how we really feel.  It's much easier to go with the flow or to not risk hurting someone else's feelings, raising someone's ire or disappointing someone.  It seems easy and often expedient but each time the cost can be much greater than we anticipate as we deny our inner selves as we become irresponsible to ourselves.  There is a certain amount of religiosity in this area.  I guarantee this is not what your good book means when it "says," deny yourself.

Interpreting Rejection

If you say you need a hug and don’t get one know that it wasn’t the other person’s responsibility to hug you in lieu of denying their responsibility to their own needs and feelings. Also that is how they responded that time, ok and the last ten. In general not getting what you've communicated that you want or need is not a valid indictment against you as an individual.  
If you’d like to know more about developing this here's a place to start NVC Nonviolent Communication.  There are hours of training by its progenitor Marshall Rosenberg and his faithful followers.  In broader peripheral terms- communication is very cultural and geographic and not only includes vocabulary but body language and eye contact, intonation and tradition.  This is not necessarily a “thing” this is just to point out there is more to  communication than words.  Yeah you knew that already.

Develop mindfulness and introspection- the simplest starting point is being quiet and counting breaths/listening a form of meditation.  The idea in counting breaths is to quiet one’s mind and connect to one’s self.  You will start to be self aware more often.  This will aid in connecting to your emotions, communication, decision making, extrapolating and interpolating consequences more fully, self love, compassion, empathy. 

• Eg.,” They gang teased Fred all morning.  In gym class I laughed and joined in, pushing him in the back and kicking him in the butt. I felt guilty and ashamed of myself later.”
• “Again yesterday the gang teased Fred all morning.  In gym class I told them to leave him alone and they teased me too the rest of the day.  They said I must be Gay too. I felt a little scared and embarrassed  and belittled.  This morning I felt good about my decision, no guilt.”
• Comparative:  I’d rather feel scared, embarrassed and belittled than guilty and ashamed of myself. 
• Acting on positivity (Leadership): “ I think I’ll invite Fred to my and Jack’s table for chemistry” ” I think I’ll blog about bullying”;”I think I’ll start an anti bully group. “

Every person starting in their childhood should understand:

• My body is my own.  I don’t have to be socially polite about how I want to be  touched.  I do not have to explain it or validate how I feel.   Many very important boundaries are under attack starting as young as 9 months old.   We don't know the harm we are doing particularly to women.  Have you ever told a child in your life to hug a relative or friend?  Your request is met by a resounding "No! I don't want to!"  Do you order them or cajole them into hugging anyway?  You are training up a victim.  The message you are inadvertently saying, "you are not in control of your body; someone else is."
• Being wrong does not mean I am bad, immoral, stupid or inferior.
• I am responsible for what I think  how I act and respond.  
• Other people are responsible for  what they think, how they act and respond.

Disciplined self-talk and healthy affirmation and visualization are skills.  Many people repeat bad messages that lead to poor self esteem, many times from caregivers.  “You’re such a loser, what’s wrong with you? I knew you’d get it wrong”-get internalized; “I’m such a loser, what’s wrong with me, I knew I’d get it wrong.”

Disciplined self talk

• I’m a winner, I noticed how beautiful it was today, I listened to my heart, I stuck up for Fred last week. 
• Who doesn’t get things wrong, I mean really?  That just means I have one less obstacle on the way to a solution.

So there are lots of other skills you read about.  To me though if these things above are working in the right environment ideally kids will pick healthy environments and friends or at least know they’ve made not so great decisions.I’m remiss in not proffering a discussion on what would be cultivating an environment to build these skills.  Oh well.

Lessons about Change for Mr. President from Isaac Newton

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Are the times a changin? Chilling is the idea that if Mr. Obama had no active resistance and was able to shift things at will we in America and world wide would still be up the proverbial creek without a paddle.  Until we common folk see the game for what it is and decide to exercise our will and grasp the power we have, morally, economically and politically; grasp the empowerment at our fingertips things will not significantly change. 

For example, economically why anyone who is not rich would side with "trickle-down" economics is beyond me maybe someone can school me here. It doesn't trickle down and do what it theoretically is supposed to folks.  The Reagan success wasn't necessarily a success.  I would even venture to question why many of the rich would think this is a good long range idea.  I guess the cynical answer to the question how much is enough is the reason.

According to Kimberly Amadeo

 If trickle-down economics worked [during the Reagan Administration], then lower tax rates during the Reagan Revolution should have increased the lowest income levels. In fact, the exact opposite has occurred. Income inequality has worsened. Between 1979 and 2005, after-tax household income rose 6% for the bottom fifth of income earners. That sounds great, until you see what happened for the top fifth -- an 80% increase in income. The top 1% saw their income triple. Instead trickling down, it appears that prosperity trickled up! (Source: Steven Greenhouse, The Big Squeeze, pp.6-9)

Much of our public and economic policy is driven by two things.  Firstly is the idea that you too can be rich and in the upper echelon, the top 5 to 1 percent and secondly is the idea that we don't want anyone getting anything handed to them.  "Why should I work my fingers to the bone and the "Blank" family get paid sitting at home watching All In The Family reruns?
They both lead to misguided public policy based on myth perpetrated by our American roots individualistic personality."
Come gather 'round people Wherever you roam
And admit that the waters Around you have grown
And accept it that soon You'll be drenched to the bone
If your time to you Is worth savin' Then you better start swimmin'
Or you'll sink like a stone For the times they are a-changin'

In which direction do we see change going?

"The researchers at Pew Social & Demographic Trends aren't holding back in their new report on the middle class. It calls the last 11 years, "the lost decade" for the country's middle class.
The highlight from the report issued today is that the middle class is poorer, earning less and shrinking."-The Two-Way, NPR news blog, Sept. 5th 2012

Many people who voted for Mr. Obama have voiced disappointment in the amount of change his administration hasn't enacted.  Perhaps many of these folks are single issue voters, perhaps they are unaware of the significant changes he has attempted to enact.  Many of us know his changes aren't new but what is new is that he has brought the power of the presidency to bear on issues many have been trying to change since before Mr. Obama was born.  Some may be unaware of what change he managed to enact and perhaps they were absent the day guest lecturer Isaac Newton taught PoliSci 101.  Attention class!

Newton's Laws of Socio-political MOTION 

First Law:

·       A Situation, Policy, Object, Dilemma, Train Of Thought, or Malaise, (SPODTOTOM)

             [Which is] at rest remains at rest until acted upon by a force.

·       A SPODTOTOM [which is] in motion continues moving in a straight line at constant velocity until acted upon by a force.

Also called "Law of Inertia"

Accelerated motion

Newton's Second Law:

F = ma

Acceleration of a SPODTOTOM is directly proportional to the net force acting on the SPODTOTOM and inversely proportional to its mass.  Translation: the more force you apply to a, SPODTOTOM over time the quicker the SPODTOTOM will move or change direction.  The denser the SPODTOTOM the slower the change.

Newton's Third Law:

Whenever  New Ideas, Situations, Policies, Objects, Trains Of Thought, etc., exerts a force on a  SPODTOTOM, the  SPODTOTOM  attempts to exert at least an equal and opposite force on the first in an attempt to eliminate it and continue the status quo.

 The Times They Are A Changin- Bruce Sringsteen:

 Come senators, congressmen
Please heed the call
Don't stand in the doorway
Don't block up the hall
For he that gets hurt
Will be he who has stalled
There's a battle outside
And it is ragin'
It'll soon shake your windows
And rattle your walls
For the times they are a-changin'.

Honest Talk with Yourself

I've been having a very interesting discussion with my brother Jeff over at, Have Coffee Will Write.  He is one of the more well read folks you will ever meet, sincere, an excellent writer.
 We have been soul searching as we deal with the death of Trayvon Martin and uncovering some interesting tidbits.  Love and respect imbued  and I might add received rebuke flow both ways.  I appreciate the different point of view as I think we perhaps both allow our opinions to be jostled around.  


Can our society, as opposed to our nation, move forward without soul searching, true dialogue and even confession?  I don't see how we can.  Can we improve others before we have improved ourselves?  How can we improve ourselves if we have refused to see ourselves as we truly are?  How can we see ourselves as we truly are without coming to terms with the warts and all?  Can we come to terms with that when all we recognize is the euphemism, "warts and all," the truisms like, "oh everybody does that, nobody's perfect," our whatever we tell ourselves to excuse our lack of love our neighborism.  Our "warts" cause us to consign folks to death and poverty as we say, "Go in peace, be warmed and filled; but give not to them the needful things for the body."(James 2:16)

So often I hear things like, "My parents came to America looking for a good life with only $2 between them; they made it, I don't see why those people can lift themselves up."  The bottom line falsehood is I "raised myself up by my own bootstraps" or I built the house I was born in, I got mine now you get yours, ignoring the uneven terrain.

  In the past I've just given up on such ubiquitous ignorance.  I am not even surprised any more that it still exists.  This basic lack of understanding and in my opinion lack of  basic decency, because it is so ignorant... choosing to ignore it is not relegated to "race," or class, or religion or gender but we all identify with our special interest groups and point at the shortfalls in all of the other groups thus making ourselves just like them.  So sadly much of the time I have to name myself among the careless.

I now realize that in life, in living and navigating through this world that the gate is wide and the way is broad that leads to destruction, and there are many who enter through it and narrow is the gate, and straitened the way, that leads unto life, and few are they that find it.  There are few who find it because there are few who seek it out.  Being comfortable at the expense of others is so easy, so easy.  I check myself more and more to make sure I am on the right path going through the right gate. I cannot answer for you nor can I judge your heart but I can proffer the question; are you?